


I'll Be Alright

by macabreiero



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, World War II, dam, did this, omfg i feel bad for my boys, they deserve all the love and i like, thisissosad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:29:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22045645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/macabreiero/pseuds/macabreiero
Summary: Dean is finally ready to ship himself off to the war. He never thought saying goodbye to Castiel would be easy but it proves to be near impossible.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	I'll Be Alright

**Author's Note:**

> i--  
> thats all i have to say about this one

Dean was sitting there on the couch, his arms tightly around Castiel as he lightly stroked his arm. He placed a small kiss on his head as the noise from _Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde_ buzzed on the television. It had been Dean’s favorite movie as a young teen when it originally came out and he still loved it in 1942 as he laid with his boyfriend preparing to be shipped off to war. It was his last day at home and he was anxious, not wanting to leave but he knew he had signed up for it on his own, he brought this upon himself. And now his country needed him and he knew he had to go. With a light squeeze on Cas’s arm, he had started to stand up to get to bed. He needed to wake up very early tomorrow so he needed to get to sleep sp they could be up bright and early for the airport.

Cas didn’t budge though, holding onto Dean tighter. “I don’t wanna get up. Stay with me, Dean,” he said quietly, his face buried in Dean’s shoulder. Dean smiled, patting his arm softly. He knew what was up, Cas was scared of him leaving. They had discussed this, how dangerous it was going to be and how traumatic it was gonna be. How Dean was not going to come home the same person he was when he left. Cas was horrified of that, he was horrified that Dean was going to be completely changed when he returned. Maybe so changed he wouldn’t love him anymore. But Dean assured him he’d still love him, he’d try his hardest not to change. 

“Hey, we gotta go to sleep,” Dean said, quietly as he rubbed Cas’s arm more and ruffled his hair. “Love, we’re waking up at like 4am for the ride to the airport. We need to sleep. I mean, you can stay here if you want, I’m not forcing you t--”

“No, I’m going. You know that, no question. I just wanna spend more time with you before you leave.” Cas just wrapped himself around Dean and he felt the black-haired boy sniff quietly, turning out to wipe his eyes on his arm. 

“Cas, baby…” said Dean softly as he stroked him softly. “I’m here. I’m not gone yet. Don’t cry, please. You know I love you, I’m gonna be coming home. I won’t let them hurt me, baby, I’ll do whatever it takes to come home to you. You know I will.”

Cas nodded, wiping his eyes even more as frantic tears ran down his cheeks. “I love you,” he murmured, his voice breaking. “I love you so much, I don’t want you to leave. I don’t wanna go to sleep.”

“Hey, we gotta go to sleep, my dear,”

Cas just shook his head. “You’re leaving me tomorrow.”

Dean managed to lift Cas off him and stand up, looking at a mopey Cas sitting in front of him. “Cas, our last day together was insanely sad. But at least we were together. Now I’m gonna go to bed, okay baby? I’m not gonna make you get up, I know you’re super upset and I know you don’t want me to leave. But we don’t know how long I’ll be gone, so please come to bed so I can spend my last day here cuddling with my boyfriend. I’m not gonna force you but I think we both need this. Please?”

Cas stood up after that, his lips pressed tightly together walking forward and hugging Dean tightly. “Okay,” he whispered, his head buried in Dean’s chest. “I need this, Dean.” His voice broke when he choked out his lover’s name, his head buried into his shoulder as he just cried. He just sobbed and Dean held him there for a bit before they went into their bedroom and remained quiet as they sat, laying down now. They were just looking at each other despite Dean saying he needed to sleep, he didn’t want too anymore. He just wanted to look at Cas, memorize those eyes, those lips, that hair… everything about them. So Dean kissed him, cupping his cheek with one hand in one, long, deep, kiss. When he saw Cas’s smile he said, “I’m gonna want to remember how your lips taste. I’m sure it’s sweeter than any girl’s that the soldiers might bring. And your hair. How it’s always so soft and so messy… I love that. I’m gonna miss that. You know what I’m most afraid of?”

“Hm?”

“I’m worried I’ll forget the sound of your voice. I don’t think it’s likely but what if I’m gone so long I do? I can’t let that happen, Cas, I can’t. Please, just talk. Just talk about anything, please.’

“I’m… I’m gonna talk about you. And, uh, how much I’m gonna miss you--” his voice broke before he continued, “and how you’re the only thing left in this world that’s worth it for me. I have nothing but you, Dean Winchester. I don’t want you to remember me like this though, so broken up over everything… I want you to remember me… happy. So I think… I think I’ll tell you a story. A memory. A happy memory. That’s how I want you to remember me, okay? Happy.”

Dean nodded. “Yeah, of course. I wanna remember your smile.”

That got a small smile out of Cas as he continued. “Do you remember… a little after we got together. I was still super jealous of the girl you dated before me. I… I was so obsessed with being better for you than she ever was. I put so much time and energy into being so overly lovey and sappy and I remember you hated it. You were like, ‘Hey Cas, what the hell,’ and I thought you would want it cuz that’s what she was like. But you didn’t care cuz that’s not what I was like. That was when I realized I really was in love with you I think, that this all was more to me than just a fling. You wanted me no matter how I was as long as it was me and honestly, that sounds so cliche but nobody ever wanted that from me before. That was sappy, uhm… You know what, I want you to remember me as the first time we slept together. And everytime after that. Even the dirty angry sex and makeup sex.”

“Cas!!” said Dean, laughing and kissing him softly. “You want me to remember you like that?”

“I wouldn't totally mind it.”

Dean buried a hand in Castiel’s forest of black hair and took his head close to his chest. “I’m gonna miss you, you dork.”

“I’ll write you everyday,” said Cas, muffled from where his face was buried. “And I'll send you stuff and make sure you know I’m here waiting for you.”

“Stay in love with me, okay?” said Dean. “No matter how long I’m gone, stay in love with me. So I can come home to you.”

“Of course,” said Cas quietly. “I'll stay in love with you forever.”

“About that…” Dean kissed the top of his head before he said, “I know you don't want to think about it, but if something happens to me while I'm out there, please let yourself live. I know you're gonna torture yourself while I’m gone. So if something does end up happening to me… you'll be okay, right baby?”

“No,” mumbled Cas. “I'm not gonna be okay if you die. And you can't stop that, I don't care what you say, I am not okay with you dying. So you won't die. Okay? You won't die.”

“Okay.” Dean chuckled softly as he kissed Cas one last time. “Let's go to sleep. We're gonna be up early tomorrow. I love you.”

“I love you, Dean.”

Dean sat there, holding Cas. He waited for him to fall asleep before he closed his eyes and once he heard Cas’s breath slow and steady he let his eyes close and let himself drift off. It was gonna be okay, right? He wasn't gonna die, he was gonna come home to Cas waiting for him… It was all going to be okay.

The next morning, Dean woke up at 5am to his alarm, feeling cold hands rubbing his bare back and heard quiet sniffing. He opened his eyes and saw Cas, already awake and in tears. He wasn’t ready for Dean to leave yet and when he noticed he woke up, he quickly took his hand from Dean’s back to wipe his eyes and said, “G’morning, baby,” sweetly as he could manage. 

“Morning.” Dean smiled drowsily before he got up to change. “You ready to go, sweetheart? Sam said he’d take us to the airport.”

Cas was shaking as he got up, he was unsure if it was obvious but he hoped it wasn’t. He just nodded, not saying anything as he grabbed a pair of jeans and his trenchcoat. He went to the kitchen to make Dean a cup of coffee and just sat there at the kitchen table, quietly with his head in his hands. Dean came to find Cas after getting dressed and Cas looked at him, trying not to cry as he said, “Made you coffee, dear.”

Dean grinned worriedly and took the coffee. “Are you okay?”

Cas nodded, standing up to grab himself something before the shaking overcame him and his legs buckled, leaving him shaking on the ground, unable to keep back the tears anymore as he stayed there, on his knees, snotty-nosed and bawling like a baby. He couldn't even pay attention to what was going on anymore when he felt two strong arms wrap around him. 

“Cassie, baby…” whispered Dean, comfortingly as he possibly could into his ear. “Love, it'll be okay. It'll all be okay.”

“No, it won't,” he choked, gasping through sobs as he said, “it won't be okay Dean, you know it. It'll never be okay, never again. Because you're leaving, you're gonna leave me and I don’t know if you'll be coming home and I can't handle that. I can't, Dean, I can’t.”

Dean hugged him closer kissing his head then his ear then his neck, just softly making his way over his face. “Cas. Cas, look at me.” He didn't. “Castiel.” Finally, Cas brought up his tear covered face to look at Dean. “You are so beautiful, you know that? You really have the most stunning eyes. And your smile… Lemme see that smile, gorgeous.”

Cas didn't smile, just looked up at Dean with his big blue eyes full of tears. “Don’t go,” he said quietly, bringing their foreheads together. “Please don’t go, do anything but go. Just stay here please, please, anything.”

“Cas… I have to go…” said Dean, as Cas leaned over to his chest and let his arms wrap over his shoulders and around his collarbone. He felt Dean’s grip around his waist tighten with a solid squeeze as he nuzzled into Dean’s shoulder. Dean ran fingers through Dean’s hair and they sat like that, safe in each other’s arms on the ground until they heard a knock on the door.

Dean placed a sloppy kiss on Castiel’s neck as he stood up, holding his hand tightly. “It’s time to go, my love,” he said, softly with a light pull on Cas’s hand, hoping to actually get Cas up and over to Sam. Cas huddled up close to him, clutching on to his left arm, head still against Dean. When Dean opened the door, Sam was waiting there, looking anxious and sad… as if he too had been crying. But he offered a slight grin when he saw Dean with Cas hanging on his arm.

“Rough morning?” he said, hitting his big brother’s arm. “Jess’s waiting in the car, she wanted to say goodbye too.”

Dean nodded, squeezing Cas’s hand and leaning back to kiss his head softly. “We haven’t had the best last days together, you could say. We’ve been sad.”

“Understandably so.”

Dean and Cas slowly walked to the car, still practically connected. Cas fell into Dean’s lap as they entered and shut the door, trying his hardest not to cry again, not in front of Sam and Jess. But he couldn’t stop slow, silent tears from trailing down his cheek and onto Dean’s pants as a hand weaved through his messy black hair. And it really dawned on him for the first time, maybe (just maybe) this was the last time he’d ever feel it. The last time he’d get to rest his head on Dean’s lap, feel Dean ruffle his hair and massage his neck. Maybe… it’d be the end of everything he ever needed. 

“Cas, dear, you’re welcome over our house anytime you need the company,” said Jess, looking back at the crying boy. “I know it’ll all be hard for you, living alone. Sam and I are here for you.”

“Yeah, Cas, don’t worry about it, we’ll help you,” added Sam. 

“He appreciates it,” said Dean when there was no response as he continued to ruffle his boyfriend’s hair. “He’s just… not okay right now. Neither of us really are in the best of moods right now.”

“Yeah, we understand,” said Sam. “It’s… it’s hard.”

“He’ll be okay,” said Dean. “He’s gonna look at me and promise me that he’s okay. Right now, he’s going too. Aren’t you, Cassie?”

Cas sat up and leaned his head into Dean, wiping his eyes. “I pr-I promise. Bu t I won’t promise that I’ll go on if something happens to you. Okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, that’s fair,” said Dean when he kissed Cas’s head again. “But I’m coming back. I swear. I am, there’s nothing those filthy motherfuckers can do to keep me away from you for long.”

“You two are so sweet,” said Jess, looking back at them and smiling. “You’re both so in love.”

“Yeah. Yeah, we love each other a ton,” said Dean, rubbing Cas’s arm. Finally, the car stopped and so did Cas’s heart. He felt something leave him the moment they arrived at the airport. Dean nudged his chin up and said quietly, “One last kiss before we part?”

Cas let out a quiet noise before he threw his arms around Dean’s shoulders and kissed him deeply. He felt time stop for just a second as they kissed and in Cas’s mind, it finally registered as the potential last time he’d ever feel Dean’s body on his in this way, the last time he’d ever taste his lips. And when the kiss finally broke, Cas was crying again. “I’m gonna miss you. I’m gonna miss you so much.”

Dean took his hand and squeezed it. “I love you,” he whispered. “Remember that, no matter what happens. I. Love. You.”

“I love you so much, Dean, I love you so fucking much.”

And they hugged. And they cried. And the next time Cas was in Sam’s car, he had no one to hold him and comfort him and promise everything would be alright.

And he felt the promise he made to Dean ring in his ears. When he was dropped back off at home, Cas went into the empty house, into his empty bedroom. And he held Dean’s pillow close to his chest, repeating his promise, again and again, both out loud and in his head. To try and make himself believe it.

_I’ll be alright._

_I’ll be alright._

“I’ll be alright.”


End file.
